If you're a friend of a parent that has a child with special needs, you might not know what to say or how to act. Here are three recommended things to do, and one thing not to.

1: Ask, even if you're not sure how

Some folks don't want to bring up the challenges raising a child with special needs brings.  Maybe they're worried about saying the wrong word or asking something that could be offensive or upsetting. If you're in this position, there's only one thing to remember - it's all about the intention.  If your intentions are good, it's not going to matter how you say it.  By asking, you've shown interest and support which is way better than not asking at all.

2: Acknowledge, even if it's small

Not too long ago, I'm sitting at a dinner with a group of friends who are chatting about the funny things their kids say.  Children with Angelman Syndrome have few or no words, so I didn't have much to contribute.  Sitting silently and listening politely, I felt the awkwardness growing in my chest with every "and she said this" and "we couldn't stop laughing".  Then, under the table, I felt my best friend squeeze my knee and give me a little smile.  This small acknowledgment, let me know that she knew it was different for me, and made it somehow all okay.

3: Accept, even if you don't understand

If you don't have a child with special needs, you really don't know what it's like to have one.  You might  know someone really well who has a child with special needs, or even work with kids with special needs.  But, you don't know what it like to be the parent of one. So, when a friend of yours that does have a child with special needs says they're too tired or too busy or can't make it, just accept it, even if you don't understand.  The things that may seem simple to you, like putting your child in the car or going to a birthday party, might not be as simple as you think.  

4: Don't hide your own celebrations

I want to hear about your kid's soccer goal, and her 100% on the recent math quiz, and how she is learning to ride a bike.  Even if my child isn't doing those things, and might never do those things.  If you're a friend, I want to celebrate with you.  And, in case you're worried it might make me sad, the truth is - sometimes it might.  It's natural to compare, and sometimes feel a little down about it.  But, that doesn't mean you shouldn't share.  So, be that lovingly, proud parent you are and let me celebrate your kids with you, too.

For those of you who are friends of parents with kids with special needs, thank you.  You play a critical role in the support system and even reading this post shows you are already doing amazing job.

Have a thought of your own to share? Add it to the comments below!